This old house (part 2)

As time began 2 pass, in this old house, I began 2 see the reasons in God's intentions in bringing us here, though it wasn't till after He rescued me that I understood that it was His hand at work in my life. Our old life, or atleast a small portion of it had been left behind. The chaos & drama caused by the constant people in our life had been removed. For me, 1 of the most important things had been removed, the almost continuous availability of my drug of choice. The less I could get my hands on it, the more I began 2 see & admit 2 my addiction.
Slowly but surely I began 2 embrace the quietness of my surroundings, & here, without the constant noise, God began 2 work heavily on my heart. I began 2 feel the gulit of my decisions & of the effects it had on my daughter. I was Not the mom I wanted 2 be & I had made some terrible mistakes.
It was a slow process the way Jesus drew me 2 Himself. I can look back & see Him there in the times I felt so alone. His gentle faithfulness led me right into His arms of love.

This old house

About 3 1/2yrs b4 Jesus rescued me, my little family & I moved out in the country, 2hrs away from where we used 2 live, into a 100yr old little farm house. I will never 4get my 1st impression of this old house. I was not impressed, infact, the thought of us moving in here made me cry. But it came with my husband's new job, free of rent & with free heating. The 1st time we walked in the door I wanted 2 walk right back out & never look back...
During the 1st yr I was so depressed, it was so quiet here & I felt so isolated. Compared 2 the sounds of the city, the quiteness felt, well, scary.
U see, before we lived here, we were surrounded by chaos, drama, people coming in & out of our house. It was the way we had always lived as a couple. It wasnt until after we moved here that I understood the effect the chaos & drama had on our relationship, or on me.
Some of the gifts God gives us can seem more like lumps of coal when we 1st lay eyes on them. But just like this old house, they turn into treasures of PURE LOVE!

Days like this...

Today is 1 of those emotional days, days where you feel like crying, feel like hiding away in a room with the door locked, days where every little happening seems magnified. I don't particularly like these days, but there is a good lesson in them. EMOTIONS can be deceiving! Things that normally don't get 2 you, may get 2 you on days like this. Words that may cause a slight twing in your heart, may feel like an explosion. On days like this, I am ever reminded of my need 4 Jesus, 2 rely on His strength & comfort 2 get me thru the day. I am reminded that I am particularly vulnerable 2 the enemy's attacks on days like this b/c he will manipulate my emotions every opportuity he gets. Yes, I must cling 2 Jesus & not look down, but UP, into His beautiful face on days like this. Every day I cling 2 Him, but on these days, I need Him 2 carry me rather than just hold my hand... and He Always does. FAITHFUL JESUS, PRAISE HIS NAME! LOVE SO PERFECT, STRENGTH, THE SAME!
THANK YOU JESUS, 4 CARRYING ME THRU DAYS LIKE THIS!!!

My first experience with Jesus, a permanant impression upon my heart

When I was a little girl I met Jesus...
Around age 9 I remember being at a church camp & when the alter call came, I felt an intense desire 2 run down that isle & run 2 Jesus. I cried the whole way down. I didn't understand much, all I understood was that Jesus wanted me. I felt His presence so strongly that night; I was whisked away by His love that surround me. And the truth is, though I made it 2 the alter, I don't remember much else after that. But that night has never left me. It made a permanant impression upon my heart.
As an adult, though I understood that Jesus loved me, I couldn't comprehend what it meant 2 be His. Around the age of 18, I got saved, but something was missing. I didn't understand that belonging 2 Him meant having a deeply personal relationship with Him.
It wasn't till I went thru the absolute worst in my life that I finally realized my absoulte NEED 4 Him.
I'm here Only b/c HE loves me, if He didn't, my life would of ended in drug addiction. But instead, He bent down & rescued me! :D

The Change - (part 2) "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a New Creation; the old has gone, the New has come!" 2Corinth 5:17

*side note (b/c I'm writing from my cell I have very little space 2 write, so I wanted 2 add on 2 the previous post.)

I was a person who suffered from depression & anxiety, both started sometime in my childhood. I often considered suicide. I attempted it once & suffered the great consequence of having my stomach pumped, a horrifing experience I will never 4get!
I was a person who always focused on the negitive. I obsessed over my past hurts & everything that wasn't good in my life & in myself; I was never thankful for what I had.
I was a person filled with anger & rage. I used 2 throw & break things, leaving my house in quite a mess!
Along with drugs, I used t.v as an escape. I could get lost in shows 4 hours & 4get about my life. But once it came time 4 bed, life would come flooding back reminding me of my every misery.

The list could continue on, but I don't have the space. The point is, Jesus rescued me from So Much... depression, obsessive thinking, a great deal of self-distructive sin! Praise His Name!

*The Change* Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a New creation; the old has gone, the New has come! 2 Corinth 5:17

I want 2 share some of the dramatic changes Jesus made in me when I became His.

I was a person Chained by Fear, fear of sharing myself, of speaking about my life & the truth about it, of allowing people in. The fear was constant & overwhelming.
I was a person who worried about Everything, obsessed with the what if's! to the point of it making me physically ill.
I was a person beyond misery & despair. I cried all the time, but it was hidden. I appeared 2 be happy 2 those around me, I laughed & smiled 4 the world, bur was dying inside. I hated my life & my exhistance.
I was a person who blamed my every misery on my husband. I blamed him b/c I was not happy. He didn't love me enough, he didn't do enough, he didn't say enough. It was all him, never me.

And then came Jesus! who freed me from the fear, worry, misery & the blaming! He broke the chains of fear, replaced my worry with faith, exchanged my misery 4 contentment, & the blaming faded in the background. I was His & His Freedom was mine! FREE ATLAST! =D